


Fuck you Steve even more

by Donya



Series: CAW CAW Team Iron Man [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 11:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7266745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Civil War, Tony returns to the only crazy Norse god who understands him.</p><p>(Translacja Cholernego Steve'a.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck you Steve even more

Tony couldn't suppress a bitter smile when he walked out of the Winter Soldiers' lair. Snow everywhere, nothing but the snow and footsteps. Steve, his one-armed buddy, and Black Panther had left already, knowing very well that the Iron Man suit was damaged. Abandoning a friend, even a former one, in Russia is such a dick move. It didn't matter they had been fighting one another, Steve could've given Tony a lift to the nearest civilised country.

Carrying the shield and the metal arm, Tony slowly made his way through the snow, hoping to reach the closest village before freezing to death. Fucking Steve, what a piece of shit. It started to snow, another sign that this wasn't Tony's day. All of a sudden, the ground under his feet swayed and he fell into an abyss. It lasted only a short moment, he didn't have enough time to get scared. He blinked and found himself in a more comforting and familiar place. His own bedroom.

The room was softly lit but one thing Tony noticed at once. An old man, one-eyed and dressed in striped pajamas, snuggled on his side of the bed, a heavy book on his lap. The man looked up and his wrinkled face wrinkled even more when he smiled warmly.

'Hello, darling. You're finally home, with my help. How was your day?'

'Crappy,' Tony replied grumpily. He cast the war trophies into a corner and began to remove the suit. 'Can you turn into you, please? A striptease in front of a creepy old guy makes me rather uncomfortable.'

Loki shrugged and with a flick of his wrist, he turned into a prince, certainly charming.

'Can I interest you in a hot bath? A drink? A blowjob?'

'Thanks, love, maybe later. First, I need to process all of this,' Tony sighed, exhausted and despondent. He collapsed on the bed, mostly on Loki's legs. 'Steve could have killed me. With the shield my father made for him. Do you know what it means?'

Loki gently smoothed Tony's ruffled hair. 'You should apologise to Rogers and admit he was right all along.'

Tony raised his aching head and they stared at each other for a minute, until Loki burst out laughing. 'You almost believed me, didn't you, Man of Iron? What I really wanted to say is you ought to upgrade your armour and attack Rogers again. Or, kill that ancient friend of his, Rogers wouldn't survive such a blow.'

'Your plans are the best, thanks, dear. That has to wait, though, I will get drunk first and howl and wail. I can't believe Steve did this to me. I didn't deserve that, did I?'

'You didn't. I'm sure you could have defeated him many times but wanted to play fair.'

'And he's still so goddamn noble. I managed to appeal to his conscience and he left the shield. What an idiot.'

'We can use it as a fruit platter,' Loki suggested. He had the best ideas that night.

'And how's Asgard?' Tony asked, having bitched about Steve enough. 'What did you do today?'

'Oh, the usual. At least 15 hours on the throne because it's mine and I've always wanted it. Eating with my mouth open, falling asleep mid conversation, farting loudly. And telling everyone who cares to listen that I was wrong about my heroic adopted son Loki. I got an idea for a new mischief. How about we expand our family? Imagine how the Asgardians would react to a pregnant Odin.'

'It sounds cool,' Tony started cautiously.' But I believe that creating a new life should be motivated by something different than revenge. Besides, I'll be busy turning into a real mad scientist and plotting my extremely evil revenge on Steve. A happy, plump child would only distract me.'

'Right. Madness, vengeance and destruction first, babies later. Do you still require my attention or can I return to my book?'

'Read, I'll just recharge my batteries, powered by your presence,' Tony muttered, embracing Loki's bony legs. Not the best pillow, but so soothing after a long day.


End file.
